FROM THE ROMANCELANDIA FREE PRESS – SPECIAL DISPATCH
Once upon a time, the Allies stormed beaches; now our so-called leaders seem content to posture while the forces of darkness advance. The threat is real, and the world is burning. Romancelandia hopes that real heroes still exist — men and women with the guts to stand for honor, courage, freedom, and justice for all.
The situation is dire: with the United States now fallen to a Nazi cabal, fronted by its demented poster puppet, Fat Bastard, the task of forming a new Allied team falls to the rest of the world. A survey of the world stage as it currently stands is in order. We begin with the hottest: France, Ukraine, and Spain: three angels and one devil.
Santiago Abascal – Dark Temptation
Does this guy look like he could have just stepped out of the Inquisition, or what? He’s sexy with shades of evil, and Big Daddy alpha energy is his calling card. But the question is, how much will he hurt you, and how much will you like it? That dangerous stare could mean ruin or rapture. There are news reports that he needs bodyguards because so many people want to kill him. But he’s still standing. For now.
Pedro Sanchez – “El Enamorado” or “Papi?”
Spain’s Prime Minister gives off Hot Priest vibes. His Holiness is certainly a smooth talker with a velvet voice. With those dark suits and soft smile – angels tremble. The fight he faces is not for choir boys, his most imminent nemesis is Santiago Abascal. We hope the Goddess is on his side because even sexy evil cannot stand.
“Acércate… papi te va a enseñar a arrodillarte.“
Volodymyr Zelenskyy, President of Ukraine – And Our Hearts
This man will rescue the fuck out of you. Reminiscent of an alpha billionaire, ex- special ops romance hero, and currently busy leading a secret mission to save the world from Nazi minions like Fat Bastard, the illegitimate U.S. “President.” He’s tactical, relentless, and his enemies find him infuriatingly competent. His alliances are strategic, he plays the long game, and always gets his target. When the stakes are highest and no one else will help, Zelensky is our A-Team.
Emmanuel Macron – Smooth Operator
You know you shouldn’t say oui, but this one is as smooth as vintage Bordeaux. Rumor has it, the President of France prefers his muses older and in charge. Perhaps he’s a crafty switch who plays to win, we may never know. Either way, he has clearly been schooled in the art of diplomacy, and we’re glad he’s on our side.
“Viens ici, mon amour… et ne bouge pas jusqu’à ce que je te le dise.”